Wednesday, October 30, 2013
The Violent Storm was By Brenna
As the wind crashed upon our house, and the leaves filled the gutters I trembled in fear while trying to find my mother when the power suddenly stopped, as a tree hit the power lines. Then I heard my mother calling my name. I was rushing towards the stairs when the house started to shake. I hit the ground in pain. I couldn't move. I was screaming "MUM" while hoping my Mum would come rushing down the stairs. My Mum came running down the stairs calling my name. She saw me. The storm cleared up. The violent storm was horrible.
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You've captured a real sense of the danger and power that storms can bring Brenna. I like the way you wrote in the first person (putting yourself at the centre of the story), which helps to get across what a storm *feels* like for someone trapped in the middle. Well done.
ReplyDeleteLooks like you ran out of your 100 words towards the end - "The storm cleared up" didn't have quite the same richness as what went before.
Hi Mr G,
DeleteI did run out of my 100 words at the end. I really liked my start just not the end. Thanks for the comment.
From Brenna
Hi Brenna,
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your sentences differently. It made your story interesting. Your verbs were very powerful and showed an urgency in your story "rushing, trembled". What did you most enjoy about the 100 word challenge?
Hi Mrs Parkinson,
DeleteThank for the comment. The one thing I liked about the 100 word challenge was writing down what was coming to my head.
From Brenna.