The violent storm was.....
One sunny morning as I was playing
outside a tiny drop of rain fell from the sky and splashed onto my palm. Then
suddenly the violent storm was starting to roar. There were crashing
sounds like giant feet stomping. The violent storm was closing up the beautiful
sky. All was dark outside and inside, and the lights keep flicking on and off.
Outside I imagined that there were haunted ghosts forming a spooky tornado. All
was loud then the thundering rain started to drizzle then it stopped. All was
quiet and I saw the sun shining.
I really enjoyed reading this post for the 100WC. You have thought very carefully about your choice of words, using powerful adjectives and verbs. You have made your writing flow by using different length sentences which makes it really interesting for the reader. To improve your writing, take care not to overuse 'then' - it may start to read a bit like a list.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more of your writing - great learning!
Mrs Neale
Team 100WC
Hi Katherine & Arzoo
ReplyDeleteI really like the verbs you used "flicking, crashing, stomping" it really creates a mood for the storm. Was it tricky to write it together or was it more helpful?
Dear team 100wc
ReplyDeleteThankyou for the comment. Yeah I read our 100wc and I thought the same to that I overused 'then'.
From Katherine